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That I have to learn how to live. What s wrong with the way I live? I had assumed that there
were lots of things wrong with the way I lived, but it would be interesting to hear what she had to
say.
Nothing, Mae replied, but with a heavy sigh, she seemed to change her mind. Well, you need
to worry less.
Less? I retorted incredulously. I think if anything, I m a little over relaxed, given my
circumstance.
But you know you have nothing to worry about. You re always concerning yourself with how
things are going to end, when they re not going to end for a very long time. It s much better to live
in the here and now.
Really? I scratched Matilda s ear and had to suppress a laugh. Every time Jack and I get
caught living in the here and now, we get a lecture. I don t think that s really what you want for
me.
Living in the present doesn t mean giving into your every whim, Mae admonished me sternly.
I give into very few of my whims, I grumbled. Trust me. I have a lot more whims that you don t
even know about.
Now you re just being vulgar. She made a sound that vaguely sounded like tsk, and I sighed.
Have you heard from Peter? I asked quietly.
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Partially in hopes of getting her off the subject of how I needed to let go, and partially because I
wanted to know. It was hard not think about him, and what his return would imply, on so many
different levels. My heart always sped up at the mention of him, and while it still made me feel
ashamed, I didn t mind quite as much when Jack wasn t around.
I heard her intake of breath when I mentioned his name, and the way she was braiding my hair
suddenly get tighter and a little more painful. Maybe she spent too much time trying not think
about the future.
He called Ezra last week, Mae answered tentatively.
And? I tried to turn my head to look at her, but she pushed it back away from her.
Ezra s with him right now. Mae s voice had dropped so low, it was almost inaudible, and my
heart stopped dead in its tracks. Her hands finally let go of my hair, allowing me to face her.
They re working on some business together. Jack doesn t know.
How could he not know? Why wouldn t Ezra tell him? I wanted to shout, and I felt like I was, but
my voice came out surprisingly quiet. It took all my strength just to get out a whisper. Just talking
about Peter had a way of taking all the oxygen out of the room.
Jack would probably quit the business and move out and run away and all that. Mae shook her
head and lowered her eyes. He can be so melodramatic sometimes.
That s pretty much what Peter did, isn t it? I countered.
Peter had too! Her eyes flashed defensively, and I felt this odd sense about it. She was
protecting Peter, and for some reason, that didn t sit well with me. You know I don t agree with
how he s handled things with you. Especially what he did in the end& That s unforgivable, and
we re all very upset with him. But you ve got to understand. Peter and Ezra were together for a
hundred years before I was even born. Peter gave Ezra a piece of his humanity back, and without
him, I m not sure Ezra would ve stayed sane all those years. Life wasn t always like it is now.
I know that. Ezra told me about his past, I told her, and she nodded evenly.
I thought he had. But it s more than that, Alice. They are brothers, probably even closer than you
are with Milo. Her expression softened and she took my hand gently in hers. He can t just shut
him out. But he can t lose Jack or you either. Family is very important to Ezra.
I don t want Peter gone either, I said carefully, and I was surprised by how true that was.
My body felt like a livewire that had just been activated. All my veins and cells tingled at the
mention of him, and that dull ache I mostly ignored pulsated like a fresh knife wound in my chest.
Everything that coursed through me, coursed through me for him, and I knew that.
You still feel it for him, then? Mae had gone pale and her eyes had widened with worry.
I can t stop feeling it, I growled wearily. I want to, sometimes, but I can t. And I don t think I can
stop feeling anything for Jack either. But& I still miss Peter, and I d miss Jack. I don t know how
I m supposed to make sense of that.
You re not. You re not supposed to feel that way. Mae smiled sadly at me and tucked a stray
hair back. But you already knew that.
Where is Peter? I couldn t believe I had even asked that. I didn t know why I even cared, or what
I would possibly plan on doing with that information.
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He s away, Alice, Mae told me firmly. And that s the way it needs to stay. He s not good for you.
At least not right now, not with the way you both feel.
I didn t want to see him. I shook my head forcefully, maybe too forcefully. I have no reason to
see him. I was just wondering. So I would know.
Ezra is working on some things, Mae went on, ignoring the fact that I protested a little a too
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