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ask me so I can say yes."
There was a suspiciously wet-sounding laugh. Marry me."
"Yeah, okay, Julian said tenderly.
There was more kissing, and more of everything else. Whatever spell had been holding Patrick in
place broke, and he eased quietly away, managing to close the door to the bathroom behind him
before the nausea overwhelmed him and he sank to his knees in front of the toilet, only to find that
there was nothing in his stomach to bring up. He heaved a few more times, the convulsions making
his head spin, and then his body relaxed and he slid down to lay on the floor. The ceramic tiles
were cool against his sweaty body.
Brad had been cold lying in bed without him there, Patrick remembered dully. Like Patrick was
cold now, goosebumps rising on his chest and arms. He curled himself up, pressing his knees to his
chest, trying to fill the gaping wound there, but nothing worked. He closed his eyes when he
decided he'd rather not know why his vision was blurring. He was only partially successful, since he
could still feel the moisture on his face.
Seeing Jack and Julian together tonight had brought the reality of how lonely his life was crashing
down around him. Patrick finally admitted to himself what had been missing from his life for years.
He could no longer hide what he wanted from himself, couldn't keep pretending to be satisfied with
one-night stands or shallow flings.
Not after Brad. Not after seeing, knowing what it would be like, watching Jack and Julian dote on
each other as they did. The longer Patrick stayed here, the more he had to admit to himself that he
wanted someone to come home to. He didn't just want a roommate. He didn't want just another
warm body.
He wanted Brad, and he couldn't have him.
Shakily, Patrick picked himself up off of the floor and washed his face with warm water. Then he
crept down the hall to Jack's office and slipped inside, sitting down on the well-worn piano bench.
He pushed back the cover on the keyboard and ran his fingers over the smooth ivory keys. He
hadn't played since he'd been shot, but he could feel the instrument warming to his touch,
welcoming him like an old friend. Without really thinking about it, he began to play, softly, filling
the house with the strains of a classical sonata.
Patrick had no idea how long he sat there, notes sighing into existence around him. Sometime after
the first four bars, his hands stopped trembling and the calm came washing over him like a wave,
but his throat still felt tight. He was still swallowing with difficulty after the entire first movement,
but he forced himself to keep playing, caressing the keys. Beethoven filled the room with sound,
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but unlike the other times he'd been able to lose himself in the music, this time Patrick still felt
alone.
A warm brush against his leg made Patrick's hands falter. He looked down to see Robot sitting
beside him, her head on his knee, looking up at him with actual puppy-dog eyes. She whined
pitifully.
"I thought music was supposed to soothe the savage beast, Patrick said, ruffling her ears. His
voice sounded rough and foreign. Robot leaned into the touch. Not make it drool all over my
jeans."
Robot didn't answer, but then, she was a dog. Not a fan of Beethoven?"
She whimpered again, pushing her ears against his hand. Her tail wagged a little, sweeping against
the slightly dusty piano leg. Then she sneezed.
"I'll play Mozart next time, he promised, wiping his hand on his already dog-goobered jeans. He
couldn't remember ever feeling so tired. What do you say; is it about time to turn in?"
Robot stood up, nosing his leg. Apparently, that was a yes.
"You can't sleep alone, either, eh?"
Patrick let her lead him down the hallway and into his bedroom. Without further prompting, she
hopped up onto the bed and started burrowing at the covers. When she had pushed them down far
enough for him to get in, she stopped and looked up at him pointedly.
Sighing, Patrick shucked his jeans and crawled under the covers, tugging them up as he turned to
face the wall. He felt the mattress move as Robot turned around to get comfortable, finally settling
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