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melted away. There was no reasoning with the man, Todd knew that as surely as he knew
his own name. It was time for this to end.
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You need to leave, he repeated, this time calmly. His side throbbed, his arm, too, and
there were a half-dozen other places he d be bruised and tender tomorrow. He wanted to go
and take a long bath and pop a few pain pills. I want my key. If you won t return it, I ll
change the locks or move. I don t want you here ever again.
His father looked like he was on the verge of having a stroke, his face almost purpling
with his rage. Todd made very sure to remain unaffected by that, at least on the outside.
Inside he was quivery and scared, but knew this was the right thing to do.
Don t come here, don t drive by, don t contact me at work, either. Until you can treat
me with respect His father scowled, and for some stupid reason, that hurt as much as one
of his fists did. Todd didn t even wince, though. And if you can t ever do that, then I guess
we re done. I won t be what you want anymore, and I have been, no matter what you say.
You wanted a whipping boy. Well, I m not a boy now, and if you raise your fists to me again,
you ll find out just what it feels like to be beaten until you can hardly walk.
You wouldn t dare to touch me, his father seethed, I m your father and you have to
respect me!
Todd shook his head and opened the door. You re nothing more to me than someone
who has hurt me too many times. Leave the key on your way out.
You ll regret this. You ll burn in Hell and your time here on Earth will be cursed
And
Get out. Todd was done. He stood up as straight as he could considering his ribs hurt
like hellfire. He didn t flinch or look away from his old man s face, watching the shock and
rage there. For a man of God, his father sure had a lot of meanness in him. My key, please.
That please about killed him, but Todd was determined not to be a petty, hateful person.
His father took the key off his key ring and threw it at Todd, hitting him in the neck.
You are nothing to me. Nothing!
That was better than being a punching bag, a victim, Todd figured, so he nodded. His
father shouldered by him, deliberately slamming into him. Todd had given him plenty of
room to get by. Rather than let it get to him, he told himself that was the last time he d have
to put up with such treatment even though he hadn t exactly put up with it this time. At
least it was over, and Todd s relief helped ease the knowledge that he d lost what family he d
had.
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He didn t watch his father get in his car or drive off. Instead he locked the door then
went and ran the hottest water he could stand. A few ibuprofen and a bottle of water, and
Todd was suddenly so tired he could hardly stand. Tired, and sore, and he knew probably
more than a little messed up in his head by what had just happened. It d hit him later, surely.
Or maybe not. Really, what had he lost? Had there been any love from his parents, any
kindness he was going to miss? None came to mind, and Todd quit thinking about it. He had
bruises coming up already, and he was hurting. He needed to soak then he was going to
sleep until he had to get up for work. Dinner wasn t a necessity, but the respite he hoped to
find in sleep, the dreams of Adam he wanted to have, just the hope for those were as
necessary to him right then as breathing.
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Chapter Twelve
Adam whistled as he locked up the clinic. He d been busy as hell lately, and he d been a
jerk. Seeing Todd today had been like a kick in the balls. It d hurt clear up to the top of his
head, and he d felt queasy, jittery with nerves, but he thought he d covered it well. Maybe
too well, because Todd had looked hurt.
Petty shit that he could be, Adam had felt a quick surge of happiness, knowing he
wasn t the only miserable one. Then he d felt like the complete and total asshole he was
being. He d wanted Todd to call him, to make the next move. What an idiot. He knew Todd
wasn t experienced, probably in any kind of relationship. Adam s pride had caused him
more trouble&
Aw, fuck it. He gave up on the whistling; it wasn t making him feel any better no
matter how happy the tune. He had to make things right with Todd, like, now. God, Jameson,
where the fuck are you when I need advice? Adam still hadn t heard a word from his friend, and
he could really, really use some guidance right now. Grovelling had never been his strong
suit, and he had a feeling he needed to grovel. Adam hated that he d been so stupid, so
stubborn. There were so many things he didn t like about himself, but he was working on
them, and he thought he was making progress.
But this wasn t about him, not right now at least. It was about how he d put the burden
of their budding relationship on Todd s shoulders. He didn t have to dig deep to figure out
he was scared of a relationship scared of failing, scared of being hurt, scared of Todd really
getting to know him and hating him, because Adam wasn t the best or easiest person in the
world.
Everyone has faults. Adam huffed and glared at the ceiling. Fine. That sounds like
an excuse. But constantly dogging myself isn t going to help either! God, where was the line
between being properly remorseful and pathetic? He had the feeling he was crossing over it.
This self-examination thing is fucking hard. Adam walked to his car. He needed to quit
whining to himself about himself. He d screwed up, yes, but he was going to fix it. That was
the way to handle it, not examining it all to death. Go to Todd, tell him he d fucked up
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because he was a chicken shit, and leave it up to Todd if he wanted to mess with someone
like Adam or not. He had the feeling Todd was seeing him through rose-coloured glasses, so
he probably needed to point out his major flaws.
Or did he? Maybe he shouldn t, because he had some damn good qualities, too. What
he and Todd needed was time to get to know each other. Which didn t preclude sex, he was
quick to tell himself.
Adam felt marginally better as he drove towards Todd s place. He wouldn t park out
front. There was the local Super S right down the street he d park there and walk to Todd s.
Since it was just about dark, he hoped no one would notice him.
Adam parked in the lot and stripped off his white lab coat. He smelt like dogs and
chemicals from scrubbing his hands clean, but there wasn t much he could do about it now.
To go home even just to shower would feel like an act of cowardice.
He got out and locked the car. It was almost dark. Adam leaned against the door and
waited a few minutes, letting the sun set more and wondering if he should call Todd first.
Probably not, because, if Todd was mad, it d be harder for him to turn Adam away in person
than on the phone.
Adam finally headed out, feeling as if he was being watched, but, since no one was
around, he figured he was being paranoid. But maybe he should have just driven. That d
have seemed less suspicious than if someone saw him park, wait until dark, then set off.
Adam added moron to his self-recrimination list. Obviously stealth wasn t his thing.
Todd s vehicle was there, so Adam went on up to his door and knocked. And knocked.
Then pounded, because he just knew Todd was in there, his skin was prickling with an
awareness that set his nerves on end.
Todd, open the door! Adam was going to beat on the damn door all night if he had
to. Todd s neighbours might not like it but that was just tough. I know you re home, so
He heard a chain slide and the deadbolt unlock. Thank God, Adam muttered as the door
opened. I thought shit! Adam s stomach flipped and rolled and tried its best to climb
right up his throat.
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